It’s Time To Make Up My Mind
On August 8th, 2007, a day after my 18th birthday, I was stepping into a plane at 5 a.m. after saying bye to my mom and three best friends of eleven years. I was heading to the east coast, to a new world, and a new chapter in my life. I had my laptop and as many things stuffed into my carryon bag as possible. The two largest suitcases I could find were packed with my old life already on the plane waiting for me. All I was thinking was, I’m not ready, how could I leave my mom, my best friends, everything I know and love? How can I leave the warm Southern winters, the beach, and yet alone Texas? I couldn’t seem to remember how and why I made that decision as my weak legs managed to stumble into the plane.
When it came to choosing a college, I had more choices than most students. I had the privilege of picking a school in Texas or Virginia and receive in-state tuition for either since I lived in Texas and my dad lived in Virginia. Unfortunately, I had no idea what schools I wanted to look into. I only knew one thing for sure, that I didn’t want to stay in my hometown at a local college. After visiting multiple schools in Texas and Virginia I narrowed my decision to Texas State University in Texas and James Madison University in Virginia.
Texas Sate University is in San Marcos, hills and trees surround this school with so many activities available. It is close to Austin, San Antonio, and Schlitterbahn Water Park. It is about three hours away from my home, which means my mom can’t sneak up on me and see what I’m up to whenever she wants. I visited during finals week, which was intimidating, I could smell the mayhem from students who hadn’t slept or showered in days. Having some extra time before our guided tour, my mom and I went to the bookstore to buy a t-shirt for my friend and maybe for myself. When my mom asked if I wanted anything I nodded my head in an undecided and scared no. I couldn’t imagine going to school if life was going to be like that every day, I wanted to run home, crawl under my sheets, and never grow up. Then I went on a tour and became less overwhelmed by students, which allowed me to see the positive aspects of the campus. Also, one of my best friends was going to Texas State to run track, so knowing one person at school would making adjusting to college life easier.
One day over the summer my dad and I took an all day trip to visit three schools. It was the longest day of my life and mainly because we drove on the highway with the top down in the sports car. I was worried about seeing cute college guys but after having my hair “tousled” in the wind for hours I was glad it was summertime. It is a completely different experience to visit a school when it’s summer and the campus is practically empty.
First on the stop was James Madison University in Harrisonburg and to be honest this is the only important part of the entire day. It is only two hours from my dad’s house but states away from my hometown. We stopped by the admissions office and I grabbed a bunch of pamphlets. Then my dad and I drove all through the campus. We didn’t spend much time there since we had two other schools to see, but I immediately fell in love. The campus was absolutely stunning, from the green grass, to the trees, to the hills, to the buildings – I loved it all! Not to mention there was a ski resort twenty minutes away and that was mindboggling to me. I could actually picture my next four years of life here. I was so excited to feel that “calling” that I didn’t even want to visit the two other schools. I remember lying in my room at my dad’s looking through the pamphlets over and over, smiling from ear to ear. I couldn’t wait to tell my mom and friends all about JMU.
After visiting, those two schools I had to apply and await my fate. In Texas, if you are in the top 10% of your class, you are automatically accepted into any public university. I, however, was one person outside of the top 10%. But with Texas State, based on class ranking and ACT scores, I was automatically accepted.
The really nerve-racking moment was waiting for my acceptance letter to JMU. When the day arrived, I snuck out of my agricultural class and into the workshop to call my mom, to ask if I got a letter from JMU. Sure enough it was there, already on my bed waiting for me to open it. But I couldn’t wait until four o’clock so I told my mom to rip that sucker open.
With each ripping noise of the envelope, my heart was pounding faster and faster, I thought I might faint. Those two seconds of opening the letter felt like a lifetime, but then she gave me the fantastic new that I had been accepted. I ran back into my class, jumped on my best friend and yelled in her ear, “I got into JMU!” Everyone in class was excited for me, but once the excitement settled down, I had the difficult decision of which school I should choose.
I weighed the pros and cons of Texas State and James Madison. It took me a some time to decide but after much debate, I selected James Madison University. I knew that I would get a great education; discover who I am in a different environment, and gain valuable experiences from people on the East Coast.
Brittany
ReplyDeleteI like how you artfully show us the pros and cons that were running through your head. Instead of just listing them, you bring in more description and evoke the reader’s senses so they, too, can get a better idea of how you felt when making your decision. This is great because you are not just telling us this experience but showing us. This brings a lot of life to the piece and makes it highly engaging.
I also really like how you bring a lot of happiness to this piece regardless of the fact that a problem or struggle still exists in it. The conclusion really serves to bring about that happy and uplifting tone and to show that you made the right decision. This sort of piece would be really great addition for any guide for people who are also in the process of deciding their college.
The only changes that I would recommend for this piece are maybe making a few cuts. Although most of the background information is good and essential, there are a few bits that may not be completely necessary, like Texas State’s acceptance policy. This will help to make the piece more straightforward and to the point.
Very nice Job.
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteI think this was a great topic for you to write about. You can really get a sense of who you are when reading this piece and it is much more interesting then most other people's stories about picking a college since you were from a state much farther away then most.
You do a good job explaining both the Texas school and JMU. I liked how you included your pros and cons list to show us what you were thinking in your head and to get us involved when reading.
One thing that I would like to see elaborated even more if your acceptance letter from JMU and maybe eliminate some of the part about how you would automatically be accepted into the Texas public school. I think this will allow the reader to focus more on your main point of the story, and how you loved JMU.
I really enjoyed your final paragraph. I think you used just the right words to sum up the entire paper and it flowed very nicely.
Good job! very interesting story!
Brittney,
ReplyDeleteWhat a fabulous mini-memoir about your college experience. I think that every high school students goes through this before starting college, but you gave your reader a unique and fresh angle to this popular topic. I could see this being published in any JMU newspaper, website, magazine, ect. I think that you should definitely share this story!
I have to admit though, I would have liked to hear you talk more about the struggle with deciding which school. You mention it briefly in your second to last paragraph, but I think your reader would like to hear more!
As for your reader, I was a little unaware of who your target audience was. The reason why I ask is due to the way you end your final paragraph. Mentioning WRTC kind of came out of no where. I think it's a good thing to include, but that isn't what I would conclude with.
I'd also like to hear more about your emotions. You talked about being happy, nervous, stressed, confused. Perhaps you could describe that a little more.
Other than that, I think it's a great piece. A really fresh angle on a popular topic.
Brittany-
ReplyDeleteI love your first paragraph. It got me right into the action of the story. It was good to include the paragraphs right after, to take a step back and explain the background a little bit.
You did a great job showing how you felt after visiting JM. I really liked the sentence about looking at the pamphlets and just smiling, I can totally relate to that!
I think this is a really great story about your college process, but I agree with Natalie about your ending. It did seem to come out of nowhere and if you want to focus on the major, you should talk about it throughout the story.
Great start, though!
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your paper. Well all feel overwhelmed when we finally leave home for college for the first time and decision time after the acceptance letters arrives is always stressful. It is definitely something very relatable. I thought you did a great job of infusing us with your uncertainty, your excitement, and hope throughout the whole process.
I did find grammar mistakes and suggested some different choices for words. Also, you take the time to explain how the system works in Texas when it comes to getting accepted, but not really for Virginia, which makes it seem sort of lopsided.
At the end you say, but most importantly you found the right major and that totally came out the blue. If it was so important you need to spend more time leading up to it, and adding it into the piece.
Good job!
-Joanmarie
Hey Brittany,
ReplyDeleteThis piece is so relatable for everyone who has had to make the big college decision. Automatically it stood out to me as something in Seventeen magazine.
I think this is a great start, but you could definitely add more to build up the emotions you were feeling throughout the process. There were from very strong parts but others lacked description. Specifically, the decision making part.
Also, as others have pointed out, the ending is kind of awkward. If you want to include your major, maybe you could mention throughout how you wanted to write, and how JMU's WRTC major was one of the major pros in choosing this school.
I think with a little more organization and detail this will be a wonderful and accurate depiction of the process you describe!
-Katie
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading a new and different perspective of someone else's experiences about picking a college to attend. I thought it was really interesting to see the decision you made between your home state and going to an out of state school.
You did a good job of relating a personal experience in an engaging way.
There were a few grammatical errors that I saw, but other than that this was a great start
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteI loved this piece because you brought your own inner conflict into the paper and you ended with your own personal resolution. Since a lot of JMU students like myself are from the east coast and Virginia, it was neat to see your point of view coming from Texas. It was interesting throughout the entire piece, and you really kept my attention.
I think your paper could be even more powerful if you ask questions throughout your piece, to show the inner struggle you faced. Great job!
Emily
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your personal narrative about choosing JMU. I liked how your opening did a good job of drawing in your reader. I also really liked the amount of detail that you included, it really helped the story flow. I think your piece would be really good in the Madison Magazine. I would look back at some of your tenses and wordings to make the paper even better.
Hey, it seems like you approached a more general audience with this piece, so it's nice to see you branch out. You conclusion didn't seem too random, in fact it makes a lot of sense to talk about your two most important decisions (your school & major) thus far. This struggle is something we can all relate to as well, but I would like to see some more detail with your turmoil, what made you really choose JMU.
ReplyDeleteWas it just being far away from mom and pop? Or was it finally an opportunity for you to grow up on your own, that made your choice special? I like your thought process, and would love to read how this piece finishes up.
Brittany
ReplyDeleteI really like this. Its an experience that we have all been through but each experience is unique. I like how you showed you weighing the pros and cons and then how you came to your final decision. I just would have like to see a little more of what happened after your decision. What is was like being closer to dad? Was mom upset? How you came about the major? Stuff like that.
Overall, really good!!!
Right from the opening paragraph I really enjoyed your memoir. The background of Texas State was great because it put the reader kind of in the position you were in, comparing the campus of JMU with Texas State. The part about visitng during finals week was really good. "I could smell the mayhem from students who hadn’t slept or showered in days," was a great idea to put in. Your decription of JMU was right on point. I felt the same way after I visited here for the first time. That part really lets the reader get inside your head and know how you felt.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest maybe eleaborating on how tough it was when you were actually making the decision. Overall really good, I thought that the end summed it all up perfecctly.
You have done a great job setting up your narrative in the introductory paragraph. I really liked how you provided what you were thinking – it shows us how skeptical you were of leaving everything behind in Texas. I also like how relatable your narrative is. I thought it was nice when you described when and where you were when you learned that you had been accepted to JMU. Aside from a few grammatical errors, I think that you have written a really nice narrative. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Brittany,
ReplyDeleteWhen I was reading your memoir I could not help but think of my own college application experience and trying to chose the right school for me. When I was reading I found that your piece was relatable, choosing between two schools.
I liked when you were describing the scene between you and your mom. I made me think if she was just trying to add more tension because my acceptance letter said congratulations right on the front.
As a reader I would be interested to see more conflict when it came time for your decision. You said that there were pros and cons for each side, so maybe you should provide them for your readers.
Great job,
Becca
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteThis memoir made me remember what it was like receiving my acceptance letter. It was honestly the best day of my life! I love how you described the situations and how you talked about your tour here. I did the same thing you did, touring in the summer that is. Even though the campus was deserted, it just felt right and I knew this was somewhere I not only fit in, but belonged. Basically, what I am trying to say is that this was a relatable memoir that makes readers identify with their acceptance experience, and who wouldn't want to remember or relive that day?!
I would only suggest focusing more on the struggle it took. I found myself wanting more details.
Great job!
Carly
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteI love the opening paragraph. Great way appealing to the pathos of your reader and getting them emotionally involved in your situation.
Great way of showing how JMU made a lasting impression on you. The tone of your writing changes here letting your readers know that you were going to choose JMU.
This is my story too. I am from afar and found comfort in JMU; therefore deciding to attend college here. I love your story!
I think you do a great job of connecting with your reader. There are a few places that could be enhanced with some details. Also, possibly think about breaking up the sentences in the first few paragraphs--might make for an easier read.
Good Luck!
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteYour memoir was descriptive and detailed but concise, short, and sweet. There were a few small grammatical errors and places where the sentence structure was a slight bit awkward or confusing, but your personality and voice really shines through on this piece.
Your intro is great, a terrific place to start. It engaged me as a reader instantly and made me want to keep reading.
I would love to hear more specific details about your personal conflict with deciding on a school, or more about your tours (maybe why the other VA schools weren't for you, etc.). Emphasizing your emotions would really enhance this great piece, especially since that is such a fragile and emotional time in everyone's life when they are faced with a major decision. Play those emotions up! I think that would bulk up your piece a bit more and round it out.
Great job!
I really like this topic! It's so relateable for so many JMU students and I think a lot of out-of-state students probably shared your concerns when choosing a school.
ReplyDeleteI thought your transitions were easy to read and it made the whole piece flow very well. However, I had a lot of trouble with your tenses which you skipped between throughout the whole narrative. Also, you have a lot of very simple sentences that I think could be expanded upon if you combined some of them. And I think that the part about WRTC at the end is a little misplaced or even not necessary.
I really think you're on a great track with this piece and I think with a few tweaks it could be even more impressive!