Jackson Breyer
WRTC 295
Original Screenplay
Purism
[Interior, Cheapish Local Restaurant, Noon. A college-aged guy, KURT, sits at a wooden table, or one without a table cloth. Nothing is in front of him on the table except a fork and knife rolled into a paper napkin, as well as a folder with papers inside. The table is set for two. Several diners are nearby, reading papers, chatting with friends, etc. Kurt maybe wears old khaki pants and a faded collared shirt tucked in. His dress shouldn’t be ostentatious, but it should be meticulously well-kept. He sits stiffly, as if he’s being watched by someone he wants to impress. He’s not, but he should maintain this rigidity naturally throughout the piece in his speech and movements. He checks his watch frequently, and glances to the door every now and then.]
[Another guy of about the same age, DONNIE, enters through the door. Everything about his demeanor should contrast that of KURT. His clothing is loud, comfortable, and poorly maintained: maybe a green faux-velvet jacket, pale-yellow button-up shirt un-tucked, and blue or brown corduroy pants, all replete with rips or holes. There’s a cocktail umbrella behind his ear. His movements are loose, exceedingly casual, and unconcerned.]
Kurt: [Stands and shakes his hand] Hi Donnie, how‘re you?
Donnie: Hey Kurt, it’s going pretty well. How about yourself?
Kurt: I got us a table. [He sits. DONNIE spends a few seconds checking out the restaurant, maybe looking at a specials listing, then sits too.] Now what do you think? [He doesn’t wait for an answer] I did some preliminary research and it seems like stoicism might be the--
Donnie: Wait, what are we presenting on again?
Kurt: [Pause] We have to pick a philosophy, either hedonism or stoicism. I guess you weren’t there when he told us that in class...but anyways I was thinking--
[A WAITRESS walks up to the table. She’s about their age, intelligent and pretty, but not beautiful.]
Waitress: Hey guys, what can I get for you today? Want to start with some drinks? [They both sort of mumble in the affirmative] Cool, what can I get for you?
Kurt: Could I get some coffee?
Waitress: [She writes that on a pad] Cream or sugar?
Kurt: No thanks.
Waitress: Well, I’ll bring you some sugar just in case. [to DONNIE] And for you?
Donnie: Could I get a mimosa?
[KURT’s eyebrows skyrocket]
Waitress: Sure, why not? [She writes that on the pad] Thanks, guys. I’ll be right back. [She exits to the kitchen.]
Kurt: [Looks stunned for a second, straightens his folder, then...] Ok. Anyways, we need to pick which one we’re going to do for this presentation. Hedonism seems pretty irresponsible...I think stoicism might be the better choice. It seems to make more sense on a macro level.
Donnie: I dunno, Kurt..."Virtue is sufficient for happiness"? Sounds pretty lame to me. Those guys needed to chill out or something. I mean, if everyone spends all their time taking on work for so-called duty, then no one ends up happy because they’re all preoccupied with shouldering burdens.
Kurt: Oh come on, you can’t...
[The WAITRESS returns with drinks and distributes them. She’s also brought a glass of water for DONNIE, and a bowl of sugar cubes for KURT’s coffee. Donnie’s mimosa sits on a cocktail napkin.]
Waitress: There you go guys. Can I get you anything to eat?
Kurt: No thanks.
Waitress: Ok, let me know if you change your mind. [She exits quickly. DONNIE, who was about to order something, makes a dissatisfied face.]
Kurt: That was quick.
Donnie: Yeah. [KURT sips his coffee.] You really drink that black? Dude, that’s gross. [DONNIE takes the cocktail napkin and starts folding it into a paper crane.]
Kurt: Why? I’m drinking it to wake up, not for taste. I don’t really like coffee anyways.
Donnie: You shouldn’t do something if you’re not going to enjoy it. What’s the point?
Kurt: I don’t enjoy the taste but it’ll make me happy in the long run. I’ll be more productive today.
Donnie: But what if you end up not being productive? You’ll have put yourself through misery for nothing when you could’ve just had something you enjoyed in the first place. Why not just work on enjoying yourself? Who knows when your sacrifice’ll pay off.
Kurt: If you don’t ever try at something, then you’ll never succeed at anything. You’d just mope around and have to live off of handouts. Other people would have to pick up the slack you drop. In the end it would just defer your work to someone else.
Donnie: [Grumbling] You’d succeed at having a better time. [He’s finished folding the cocktail napkin into a crane and rests it next to his drink. The drink sits directly on the table.]
Kurt: Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Donnie: Nothing ventured and I get a mimosa on my parents’ money, actually. [He admires the crane.]
Kurt: [Glares for a second] Whatever. Anyways we need [Pause]...dude. [The scene freezes, the camera zooms in on the mimosa glass resting directly on the table, and holds for a few seconds.] What have you done?
Donnie: [Looks up] Yeah man, check out this sweet crane. I just learned to fold these things.
Kurt: [Controlled, evenly] Donnie, you know that your glass is going to leave a ring on the table now that you’ve taken it off the napkin, don’t you?
Donnie: Well, yeah, but check out the crane. Dude, these things are so cool.
Kurt: But your ‘creation’ is going to make the staff here needlessly work harder!
Donnie: It’s art man. [He takes the cocktail umbrella from behind his ear and hereafter gesticulates with it.] Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
Kurt: So what if it’s art? It still places a burden on other people.
Donnie: You can’t possibly be arguing against art!
Kurt: What does mucking around with bits of paper and dyes do for anybody but defer work onto others?
Donnie: [Leaning in, gesturing with the cocktail umbrella] What does it do?!? Dude, art’s the language of the world! It expresses thoughts and emotions directly to our senses, bypassing all that nonsense that happens in the brain. We think a lot faster than we construct language, and art is the only way to convey a message without delving into the distorting realm of description. It’s pure, rapid, and powerful. A good picture is worth a thousand stories, and a good story is worth ten thousand more. [He sits back.]
Kurt: But then why would you feel compelled to make that? [He gestures to the crane.] Are you trying to tell the story of the disposable napkin who magically transformed into a bird, failing at the one task it had to perform? I mean, seriously, you’re not sending any message to the world with that. Sure, some art can have a powerful message, which is beneficial, but there’s no deeper significance to THAT thing beyond whatever enjoyment you take out of it. And, besides which, it’s still going to burden others.
Donnie: [Intently] Have you ever felt the need to make something, not because it was useful but because you thought it needed to exist in the world, because you HAD to make it, regardless of what it did for anybody else?
Kurt: Not if, ultimately, it’s just going to make more work for someone else.
[Long Pause, The WAITRESS comes back.]
Waitress: Hey guys, can I get you any more drinks? [DONNIE and KURT, both sort of stunned, mumble "No."] Ok. [She starts to clear the drinks] Anyways, I couldn’t help overhearing, and I wonder: why can’t you both be right? What if you did work when you needed to, but still remembered to have fun and be playful every now and then? You know? Or, even better, you could do stuff that’s fun AND productive. Just a thought. Nice crane. [She exits with drinks.]
Donnie: What a nut-case.
Kurt: Yeah.
[Screen goes to black. End scene.]
Jackson,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very clever screenplay. I love how you subtly introduce “hedonism and stoicism” at the beginning, and then kind of base it on this sort of nonchalant, unimportant conversation about drinking coffee. Hopefully I got the point right...
It’s hard to critique a screenplay and do it without changing much of the author’s intent. I’m not a true follower or believer in either hedonism or stoicism, but by the end of the script I realized your mediator—waitress—seems to make a very clear and obvious point between the two. I get a little sense that you’ve put some of your own characteristics into this writing; I would say that the tone is a little to polished to be actually conversational, but then again, listening to any philosopher/someone talk about philosophy...this kind of tone is unavoidable.
I wouldn’t change too much. It would be nice to see this in a video form. Maybe changes would be found in the directing of the screenplay.
Jackson:
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed reading this. I think you did a particularly good job with the stage directions. I've never written a screenplay...or even attempted to, but I feel like visualizing the stage directions is probably a real challenge. For (likely) one of your early attempts at a screen play, I think you did a great job.
There's also a lot of depth to your writing. It would be interesting to see how your manuscript translates to the screen.
Jackson,
ReplyDeleteI really quite enjoyed this scene, or short. I do think it might need some revisions, however. In screenplay writing, it is important to go into description, but the direction is ultimately in the hands of the director, so the description is supposed to be quite brief. At the beginning, we get the sense of both characters from the description even before going into so much detail.
Other than that, I agree with Phil in that the way they argue their points over something seemingly so meaningless as a cup of coffee and a paper crane is really clever and fun to "watch" as an audience. The dialogue could be a little more conversational, which is the difficult thing to do, but given the content, I'd say you did very well. Great job, and lemme know if you ever want to film this. I'd be happy to help.
Kevin
Jackson,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this. The level of detail was great, and the conversation flowed really well. I especially like how well developed your characters were, I felt like you had a specific vision, and I could see the characters in the same way you saw them. I thought that overall you covered every aspect that is desired in a short screenplay, and you covered them well.
I really don't know much about screenplay writing so I don't have any particular suggestions as to how to improve this, I thought it was very solid. Great work!
-Katie