Pages

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Katie George - Workshop 4

Sweet as Honey

They swarmed from all sides and only a thin screen separated me from these ferocious creatures. I had taken what was theirs, and by natural instinct, they wanted it back. But I had seen all of this happen many times before, and at this point, I was not worried like I was the first time. The creatures would forgive and continue on with their everyday tasks, of which we were currently reaping the benefits. So instead of panicking, I closed my eyes and allowed my other senses to take reign. The buzzing of the thousands of bees created an electric pulse through the air, one that reverberated through the ears, making all other sound retreat. They hummed in anger, for they too could smell the floral sweetness of their honey we were extracting; the atmosphere was vaporized sugar, sickly sweet. And the air flowed to the rhythm of the beating of the bee’s wings. It created a current as strong as their desire to reclaim their prize and the vibrations caused the skin to prickle as if they still found a way, despite the barrier, to sting us on those summer days extracting honey.

My dad kept bees for most of my childhood, that is until we moved to a residential neighborhood. That old house, however, was the perfect place for my dad to start his hobby. We had plenty of land and fields upon fields of wildflowers to feed the creatures. He mail ordered the bees and set up the hives way up on the hill at least a quarter mile back. I’m not too sure if he really knew what he was doing and what he had gotten himself into at first, but I do know that he loved those bees and gave them the utmost care, studying their habits and movements and spending hours just observing their beauty.

I, however, wasn’t so fond of the things. To six year old me, bees only meant one thing: they fly in your face and sting you and have absolutely no intention but to be as annoying as possible. I swatted the air the second the buzzing reached my ears and cried when I got what I probably deserved. They were evil, I claimed, and all they want to do was hurt me. I worried when my dad went to take care of those monsters and check the hives. “Can they still sting you?” I asked as he pulled on the white protective suit and the bulbous, netted helmet. “Yes,” he always answered, “but it doesn’t bother me. Bees are protective so that’s just what they do.”

But as the summer progressed and those bees laboriously went about their daily lives, collecting pollen and making honey, my dad was excited to finally say that it was time to collect the honey. And during this first experience, I began to finally change my views about the bees.

The process of extracting honey required commitment and was a sticky, tedious, all day affair that took place on our old screened-in porch. I was quite young so my involvement was limited and my attempts to help probably slowed down the process, but my parents were patient. They guided me through the steps, gave me some hands-on experience, and even through this limited participation, I established strong memories and appreciations.

We brought in the hives, which had been emptied by blowing wood smoke into them. This process calmed the bees and allowed them to easily be brushed away off the honeycomb. The hives were wooden boxes each containing several wooden frames in which bees made the honeycomb that stored the honey. When full, the bees capped off the honey with a thick layer of wax. The first step was to remove this cap with a special electric metal knife that heated up and sliced right through it. As I held the knife, my dad guided my hand upward under the wax and I saw, as the ugly crust was removed, an interior of liquid gold that, with the help of the knife’s heat, instantly oozed down into the catch bucket underneath. The honey dribbled down in satiny ribbons, reflecting the sun in shards of glistening light while releasing a smell like candy-coated flowers.

It was during this time that I got my first taste of fresh honey. I popped the chucks of syrup soaked wax into my mouth and my tongue pressed the piece to the roof of my mouth to squeeze the honey from depths of the catacombs that encased it. It was warm and sticky and dripped from the corners of my lips when I chewed every drop from the wax. The taste exceeded that of any honey bought from the store, although it was not until much later that I really appreciated that fact. But I was discovering there is just something about food taken directly from the source and eaten straight away, like vegetables from a garden, which is truly exquisite. I was literally consuming a miracle product that contained the nectar from the flowers in our own yard, produced by our own bees, and harvested by my own hands. It was the pure essence of nature in my mouth, the best taste of all.

Once all of the frames had the wax removed, we placed them into an extractor, a machine that whips the frames around in a circle and allows for centripetal force to separate the honey from the comb where it collects into a basin below. While the spinning frames spewed the scent of the honey into the air, the bees, attracted by the smell of their creation, immediately swarmed the porch in rage. They remained as we finished extracting and began straining all of the collected honey through a fine mesh cloth to remove any debris. What remained was the clearest glossy substance that temped all of us to dip our fingers into the amber liquor for just one more taste.

We ended the day exhausted with sticky fingers and shoes and sugar shock, but we were satisfied. Around us were the fruits of our day’s labor. We would give it to our friends, spread it on toast, and enter it in the county fair, thanking the bees every step of the way. And by the time we cleaned up, the creatures began to retreat, their grudges ending and waiting for my dad to replace the frames, and let them begin their process again, with plenty of time to build their winter food storage. They accepted the rules of reciprocity that for provided shelter, they must give up their prize product once a year. And just as like the bees came to terms with the day’s upsetting turn of events, I began to come to terms with the bees.

I started to really look at these insects and see their distinct beauty. The delicate ways in which they select the flowers, harvest the pollen and nectar, and painstakingly create the hives, not only for their honey but for their families, are all so important in the creation of that sublime syrup that many take for granted. The effort that we make to extract this honey is in no way comparable to the effort that the bees make to create it. This is their job and this is what they spend their entire lives doing unthinkingly and I then recognized that is this entirely their right to get protective when humans disturb that task. Now when I see people panic and swat at the creatures with intention to kill, I feel the need to stop them and tell them what my dad always told me, “If you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you.” It is our job to let them carry on with their activities in a natural way and to please them by not interfering. It does no good to fear the bees and instead we should rejoice in their presence, as I learned to do through each subsequent extracting session.

Through my exposure to this amazing art of beekeeping I have established memories that will last forever of time spent with my family and of a process that most people will never experience – one that I probably won’t ever experience again. I have also gained massive appreciation for the natural word and the creatures within it, especially the bees. Now, every passing bee I see does not send me into a panic, but fills my heart with a feeling of respect and of memories that circulate through me in waves and currents, like the pulsing hum of the honeybee’s buzz.

18 comments:

  1. WOW! I am by no means an authority on good writing, but this is one of the best things I've ever read from a fellow student. Thank you for appreciating the English language and taking pride in your writing. Beautiful, beautiful stuff.

    More to come on the paper edits.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great intro! Really put me in the moment and felt like I was watching a movie as I read it. I absolutely loved the description of taking the wax off and revealing the honey underneath!

    You did a really good job of showing how you felt about bees before you learned about them and how they make honey. Just using the word "things" and "monsters" in place of "bees" in the 3rd paragraph showed how you felt. Then when you switched to using "insects" and "bees", which showed how your feelings changed.

    The only thing I can think for you to edit is to break up some of the longer paragraphs, especially if this was to go into a newspaper or magazine, just to make it more reader friendly... but that's a minor change... great job!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This was amazing. Your language was so real I could see myself there. I agree with Kim, I could picture this as a movie as I read it.

    I loved how your attitude towards them changed and so did your names for them. I will have more of the grammatical (if any) on the handout.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just want to start off by saying that your title is very clever and clearly fits very well with your overall conclusion of the story. It was definitely interesting topic that I had never imagined to read about. I think that you did a good job explaining the information about bee keeping and then also showing your ideas and your revelation about the topic.

    The one problem that I saw was that a lot of your sentences ran on where they could have been separated into multiple sentences. I felt that there where times where instead of ending a sentence you used a comma and should have just started a new one.

    Other than that good job and great topic!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Katie,
    This is such a unique experience and I'm glad you got to share it with us. Now I think I can respect bees more now too : )

    I enjoyed every minute of reading this, great job. I agree that there are some lengthy sentences, but that's a really quick fix.

    It's easy to tell you spent a lot of time and thought on this and it's a beautiful piece of writing.
    -Katie

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey I really liked how you wrap this story up, and brought your father back into the conclusion. there was a certain rhythm throughout the paper that made it very enjoyable to read. I really love how you brought to play the aesthetic qualities of the bees and compared it to others fear of bees.
    There are some really nice scenes in here and seamless transitions that gave this piece a terrific flow.
    Some stories end in the same place that they started. I didn't feel that way with this piece, and knew the character in the beginning wasn't the same one as the end.
    I picked up some tense issues in the first few paragraphs. Other than that, great stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Katie,

    This memoir was great! You picked an experience that meant something to you and one that you were very knowledgeable about. Your sensory language was very impressive, it made us feel like we were there! You did a great job making connections to certain situations you were in as well, like how you weren't fond of bees and thought they would just fly in your face or sting you. It was relevant to the reader. I know I was that way!

    The only thing I would work on a bit were your paragraphs. There were instances when I thought you could break a few up.

    Other than that, awesome first draft!

    Sincerely,
    Carly

    ReplyDelete
  8. Katie,
    This was a brilliant job. I really was able to envision and imagine that I was there along with the story. I also loved how you were able to mix in a tiny message along with your story. You were able to keep your voice throughout the whole story and you were also able to develop your thoughts throughout it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Katie,

    Your writing is so captivating. You painted a beautiful picture in my head with each word you wrote. I can't even describe how I felt when I was reading it. I could taste the honey, feel the square in my mouth. You do such a great job with your diction and descriptions.

    I really liked your conclusion. It was beautiful and brought almost a resolution to your fear of bees. As Jeff said, you brought about a tiny message about your story and you showed your true appreciation for the bees.

    Sometimes, your organization did seem a little clumpy, so maybe breaking some of your bigger paragraphs up would be a good idea. Other than that, you did an excellent job!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Katie,
    I think you have a really strong paper, your attention to detail was excellent. I was really able to relate to you when you talked about being afraid of the bees and making the mistake of swatting them. I also enjoyed how you used great detail to describe the process of extracting the honey since I had never witnessed this job myself. I would look at some of your paragraph transition to help the paper flow really well. Other than that I thought the paper was great!

    Ashley

    ReplyDelete
  11. Katie,
    I really enjoyed your piece. Your opening paragraph was very intriguing and made me want to keep reading. As you continue your writing you tie everything in really well together. I like how you bring your father in and show the relationship between you both. You also pull your mother in and talk about her which is nice to see. You show you experience with the bees and them.
    Your piece was very informative and interesting. Bees scare me too so I do not know how you overcame that.
    Your conclusion ended well and I like your last sentence. You tie everything in really well.
    The only criticism I have is that there are some lengthy sentences and also some sentences could use better word structure.

    Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  12. The beginning of this piece was great, it really drew me in right away. The language you used was really descriptive and made me feel like I was there. Something that I really liked was the way you appealed to different senses through your writing. "...the atmosphere was vaporized sugar, sickly sweet," I really liked.

    I also like how towards the end you related the experience to how much it changed your opinion about bees. It ended the piece nicely by tieing in your experiences with emotions you felt afterwards.

    One thing I might add is what your family does now, if anything, with bees. It would be interesting to know what you miss about them or how you are still involved. Overall I definitely liked it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Your sixth paragraph is amazing, it is written so beautifully. I read it over at least twice and really loved your vivid description and heightened senses and detailed memories. The entire piece was so full of your personal voice and the little things that make memories so special to us. I think you did a great job at taking a seemingly simple and trivial topic and weave it into a great memoir. There were a few typos here and there and only a couple awkward moments, but your draft was smooth and flowed, and most importantly i enjoyed reading it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow, Katie...this is a fabulous piece of writing! Truely a piece of art, I really enjoyed your tone and descriptions. It was so descriptive I actually could see these images very vividly in my head.

    I really don't have any suggestions to change your memoir. It was a unique story that I wouldn't expect someone to share--but you made it special. Bravo! :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I really enjoyed reading your memoir and learned a lot about bees and the process of making honey. You have done a fantastic job of showing how you went from disliking bees to valuing their role in nature. The descriptive words that you use throughout your memoir are very effective in creating imagery for the reader. I especially liked this sentence for its vivid imagery: “The honey dribbled down in satiny ribbons, reflecting the sun in shards of glistening light while releasing a smell like candy-coated flowers.” I also think that you did a great job of describing the process of extracting honey. As someone unfamiliar with this process, I found your description of the process to be very insightful and interesting.

    The approach that you have taken with this memoir is so unique. While bees are normally seen in a negative light, you do the opposite and acknowledge them for their “distinct beauty” and their role as producers of honey. The respect that you have for bees is truly refreshing to read.

    I really do not have anything negative to say about your memoir. Great job with this first draft!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear Katie,

    I loved your story. It's full of beauty, description, and setting.

    You tell the story of how you find appreciation for the bees beautifully, but I would like to see some more work on your transitions. Also, explain a little more why the bees are important, why we should respect them.

    -Joanmarie

    ReplyDelete
  17. Katie,

    Great start! Your writing is obviously very strong and you know how to make it shine. This is such an interesting topic to write about and it intrigues the reader.

    Most of your paragraphs were awesome and well-placed. I especially liked how you alternated between the process of extracting the honey and personal stories. Also, the paragraph where you describe the beginning of your transition, is a great transition!

    There were only a few places that I thought needed a little help. Some word choices were a little awkward and maybe need some re-working. Regarding the last paragraph, why will you never experience it again? Did you only take the honey once or have you done it multiple times?

    Overall, this was a fantastic and unique piece and I really enjoyed reading it.

    Spike

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is a well-written piece.

    The places that it works the best are the places where you put us there with the bees. When you provide us with sounds and sights, that's when it's the most interesting.

    Use more dialogue and anecdotes and descriptions. Without explicitly saying it, you can still say it.

    The introduction is very strong.

    ReplyDelete